


The UK Invasion

by motoroilfreeway



Series: Erotomania [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Age Difference, College AU, Human AU, M/M, Mentions of pornography, Pornography, Teacher-Student Relationship, UK does a lot of porn-related material, college professor!UK, fan fiction, fan!US, fanfic writer!UK
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-05-29 07:00:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6364081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motoroilfreeway/pseuds/motoroilfreeway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’re THEUKINVASION.”</p><p>Alfred can't help but question the universe with its choice in letting him meet his favorite porn blog mod.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> was literally written in an hour, because the plot won't stop bugging me and I had to finish my paper so here it is  
> sorry I had to stop half way, my 1 hr break is up ahaha
> 
> This was based on my own experience at the library where I saw a guy's laptop screen displaying AO3 omg. He's uploading a homestuck fic. Whoever you are, your secret's safe

                “You’re THEUKINVASION.”

There, he said it.

The forbidden words one shall never say to the person behind the username.

It all started with a website where fanatics come around to talk about fandoms. Everyone in the fandoms know that you don’t just come in there to talk about fandoms. You also come there to talk about pairings.

Pairings, as in I want person A and B to end up together and have occasional hot steamy sex, kind of pairings.

To make them easy to say, these pairing are called “ships”. If you favour the “ship” above anything else, it will be called your “One True Pairing”, or OTP, as they would usually say, because its shorted and easier to mention on threads and fight about and think about them fucking and falling in love.

Alfred remembers being bored that day, with the temperature in the dorms above normal that he won’t stop sweating buckets just lying in his bed playing games he drops his console and picks a random series on a data base.

So the series was weird, somewhat disturbing if you’re big on history (which he somewhat was) and kind of hard to follow at first (because he watched the episodes on random since they’re not even narrated in chronological order) but when he did oh boy was it hard to stop watching.

He’s fucking hooked.

So after watching every episode multiple times he swears he can recite the dialogues by heart, he opens another tab on his browser and looks into the website’s part where a certain fandom _has to lurk_. The series was kind of old but he knows that the fandom is _big_ , hearing about them in passing talking about the characters in a weird lingo he can’t follow up as he was not involved before. He just hopes that the fandom is still alive and somewhat _thriving_.

So he looks for a random ship, something very obvious and most people would ship in a last minute’s notice.

 _There_ , a fic rec. Good.

He reads one, then gets hooked and finds out that the author has a companion fic but about a pairing Alfred gives jackshit about because really, technical or not, incest is still creepy and weird.

The author is good though so he gives it a go just because his OTP will be mentioned somewhere, no matter how tiny the cameo.

A sleepless night later, he can’t stop shipping the “incestuous ship”.

He trades his precious studying time to dig through artist blogs about said ship.

 

                Okay, so maybe everything actually started _after_ the website. (But then again, Alfred muses, none of this will ever happen if he never discovered the website and lived on as a normal citizen who occasionally watches tv series to pass time.)

THEUKINVASION, or the person behind the name, actually.

THEUKINVASION is not that well-known in the fandom but they have huge enough supporters to get Alfred to check the person’s blog and see their contribution to Alfred’s ever-growing _fascination_ with a certain ship that used to be secondary to his _ultimate otp_. Somehow, during the course of Alfred reading the spin-off fanfic and searching through the website for more material to devour, it managed to kick OTP 1 and get Alfred’s Ultimate OTP title.

Alfred doesn’t mind, the fics in that ship were fucking amazing to be honest.

There literally was one fic about the incest that made him ship it harder _because of the incest_. Jesus Christ.

(Somewhere in the back of Alfred’s mind, he thinks that he probably just signed his soul off to Satan and anytime soon, people in pitchforks will kick his dorm room open and burn him at the stake for all the sins he’s committing ever since joining this fucking fandom.)

To be honest, THEUKINVASION’s theme is not even that interesting. Its either that the guy behind the name is a lazy-ass or just plain stupid with html.

Scrolling down through their works made Alfred suppose that it’s the latter. THEUKINVASION’s fic formats all looked butchered somewhere else but at least it fixed in their blog. Probably why the person stuck with the shitty theme.

So what’s so special with THEUKINVASION?

Not much, just that Alfred’s crushing on them so bad.

Alfred would probably get asked how in the hell could he develop a crush on someone who never showed their face in public. No one even knows their name, and THEUKINVASION told their fans themselves that they would rather prefer to be called UK.

No one knows about their age or their birthday. Not even which country they came from.

All their bio says was just “Hello I’m a pervert. Warnings for gross things if you don’t like them fucking leave”

Oh yes, Alfred forgot to mention early on.

THEUKINVASION’s blog is filled with porn.

That’s it.

PORN. The gay kind. Men on men or women on women (though the latter is rare).

Apparently “straight sex creeps them out”.

Another thing that one should know if they want to scroll through THEUKINVASION’s works. They don’t write and/or draw vanilla.

THEUKINVASION’s favourites were mpregs, omegaverses and blood and gore. That includes gay porn.

So just imagine the amount of tentacles raping pregnant men, or people’s eye-sockets getting fucked, or little kids beaten and bloody, vomiting on the floor as they are taken from the behind, and many more of the like you will see if you were to look into their blog.

They don’t just draw, they write too.

And fuck if their writing style is not fucking amazing.

It’s amazing as fuck how one could make a very elaborate plot that leaves people with fucked up heads because of the foreshadowing that you never knew were always there and the plot twists and manage to squeeze in some kinky shit in the middle or end about skull-fucking or scat that would usually leave people disgusted and disturbed but in Alfred’s (and the rest of THEUKINVASION’s fans’) case, they were left aroused and wanting more.

Alfred couldn’t explain it himself either if its because of their writing, or art style, or the cute little author’s/artist’s/end notes in their fics or art about complaints about running out of tea and not getting enough pepsi for the day but Alfred can’t help feel the butterflies in his tummy after reading them and laugh at how cute it is that UK just wrote a very well-written tragedy because they wanted to write something about their OTP fucking.

Damn it he had it bad.

And THEUKINVASION never even knew he exists because he never really made his presence known. He doesn’t leave any comments or even like or share THEUKINVASION’s blog entries like the rest of their fans do. Alfred doesn’t know why either, so asking him is futile.

THEUKINVASION is the type to reply as much as they can to _every_ comment/review they get about their work and the cute emojis he add in each and every reply was something Alfred had a hard time grasping because a person who beats their own readers with plot twists and mind-fucking endings _can’t_ talk like they’re spitting rainbows and unicorns but this _guy does!_

That’s so fucking cute.

So okay, he’s somewhat in love.

Somewhat in love that his roommate won’t stop throwing his own pillows at him when Alfred can’t stop himself from making weird noises when he sees THEUKINVASION updating or posting something new in their blog.

 

                 [But how does all this relate to Alfred finding THEUKINVASION in the flesh and talking to them face to face?

 _Everything_.]

 

                Alfred remembers that shit vividly as if it was fucking yesterday.

If it wasn’t creepy he would’ve marked the date in his calendar.

It was another one of those hot days, but Alfred was glad that he had a lecture in an air-conditioned hall so he had an hour and a half to spend in the cold, instead of the sweltering heat.

But then his professor had to cancel the class because of some professor work.

With nothing to do to pass the time, he muses he can sleep in the library. The library is air-conditioned anyway.

So up he goes, to the second floor, to make sure that the place is completely empty.

To his delight, the area was isolated, save for that one guy using the library wifi to probably not do anything academic-related because that’s what they all do.

Alfred picked a seat nearest to the air conditioner, just so he can get the most of the cool air, which happens to be right behind where the fellow student was sitting on his laptop.

Alfred can clearly see the site the guy was on and to his surprise it was actually _the website_. But this one was switched to their personal blog. Then he sees the guy upload something, and holy shit was that a fic?

Oh my God, this is amusing.

Well, it was until he recognises the blog’s boring theme and icon (which is just the union jack).

Holy shit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alfred gets his heart broken and still denies he's in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter is short, ew.  
> I'm still trying to get myself do something. Because my big paper is due in a few days and I still have to see my adviser who seemed way better at not finding me this semester so I have this little dilemma if I should just ditch that class entirely....I'm a bad student aren't I

_A_ _lfred can clearly see the site the guy was on and to his surprise it was actually the website. But this one was switched to their personal blog. Then he sees the guy upload something, and holy shit was that a fic?_

_Oh my God, this is amusing._

_Well, it was until he recognises the blog’s boring theme and icon (which is just the union jack)._

_Holy shit._

 

            At that moment, Alfred remembered being filled with hundred different emotions, ranging from the excitement of meeting his favourite artist-slash-fic writer to giddiness for finally getting a glimpse of his so-called crush.

For one, he (THEUKINVASION is a he!) was sitting with his back straight, wrapped in a thick black jacket and Alfred wonders if he’s the type of person who shivers at the lowest setting of the air conditioner. He can’t tell how he styles his hair though because it’s covered by a black beanie. Um.

So much black.

He’s wearing so much black.

Considering that THEUKINVASION’s blog theme was pastel pink and blue with cute rainbows and unicorns in it he would’ve thought that the person behind the blog would probably look like some kind of a, _yanno_ , with those pastel coloured-shirts with different cute-coloured collars and leggings with space motif and doll shoes.

Not really the combat boots and heavy jackets.

Don’t get Alfred wrong though, for some reason, despite failing the image Alfred conjured for him he can’t help but think “yes, this is definitely THEUKINVASION, and he’s perfect.”

Now he knows what “Love is blind” truly means.

So then he thinks, fuck it, he wanna talk to the guy, so without thinking much of a strategy, he gathers his things and stand up from where he sat and approaches the other boy who appears to still be preoccupied with what he’s doing.

When he’s finally standing right next to him, he suddenly blurts, nervous, “You’re THEUKINVASION.”

Wrong move.

Suddenly, the guy stops fiddling on his laptop. Alfred notices how those shoulders visibly flinched.

It was around that same moment when those hands suddenly move again to roughly slam the laptop close, Alfred wincing at the impact--- _shit, that could’ve gotten broken_.

Then without even giving Alfred a glance, he shoves his laptop inside his bag and walks away.

Alfred couldn’t bring himself to go after him, really. He doesn’t really know what to say if he ever were to stop him.

Alfred felt like crying, really.

 

       That afternoon, his roommate who haven’t got a wink of sleep since the night before was trying to get some shut eye before he had to get up and study some more the night later flips the mattress Alfred was lying on because Alfred “won’t lower down his pathetic cries about a ‘broken heart’”.

Alfred supposes Gilbert was right. Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for some reason plot is starting to happen again. God save us all


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alfred's semester (almost) gets ruined because of a shitty professor and he tries to warn his friends about him but fails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus Christ on a pogo stick an actual plot. And here I am thinking this is probably just a drabble fic. Screw me
> 
> also why do I keep posting short chapters for the uk invasion? this is not cool at all

            A week later, the grouchiness that Alfred used to associate his roommate with ever since Gilbert’s hellweek has started was gone. Meaning, Gilbert was back to being his dick-ish self again. This is better than the Gilbert who barely slept for 3 days and is not above flipping your mattress if you so much as make a little noise because he can’t afford to lose his concentration----because finals is coming and he can’t afford to fail his pre-final exams---because, well, no more irritable Gilbert. Seriously, Gilbert the dick who can take a joke was way better than Gilbert the irritable who flips mattresses and smothers you with your own pillow.

It’s not Alfred’s fault anyway that Gilbert wasted most of the semester away clubbing and drinking with some childhood buddy of his. Gilbert tells him that the guy was actually a professor in the university and doesn’t mind a night (or more) of drinking with Gilbert every now and then. Really though, Gilbert remarks with a snort, the day his buddy will refuse a drink will be the day hell freezes over.

“Childhood friend? Professor? How old are you, man?” He once asked the other when he was first told about Gilbert’s drinking buddy. That earned him a painful punch in the arm. “Ow, what the hell?”

“That’s for insinuating that I’m _old_.” That punch left a bruise that took about two weeks to heal.

Alfred used to ask just who this professor-slash-childhood-friend-slash-drinking-buddy of Gilbert was but Gilbert always said, “Nah, you two are from _completely different worlds_ , so even if I say his name, you won’t know him.” Which Gilbert has a point, so he eventually stopped. He just spent those last few months studying for finals in advance as Gilbert spent the nights outside, partying or drinking with that buddy of his.

The thing with Gilbert being back to his, erm, dick- _ish_ self is that he won’t stop laughing at Alfred’s face when he sees him scratching his head left and right in frustration because of an essay for his English class.

Alfred sucks at English, most especially at literature. He doesn’t know a thing about “reading the fucking text” and giving a thorough analysis. Like how the fuck can he know that the thing with the talking horses in Guilliver’s travels was about the author’s hate with their subjugators? Guilliver’s travels was a trippy book anyway, but his English professor talks about it and the rest of his required readings like they’re the answers to the universe.

Well, hate to break it to him, but he’s looking at the wrong kind of book.

Alfred once had the urge to say that to his face, but the guy was a fucking terror he’d really rather not risk his GWA* for it. So he endured, sat silently in his seat and pretended to listen and nod occasionally.

(There’s a reason why Alfred was majoring in Physics.)

Alfred rereads the guide questions for the essay again and groans. He bangs his head on his desk twice, then another with a louder groan, just to prove how much he hated this class. He thinks that this is probably the only class he’ll flunk this semester if he can’t get his shit together. If only this class is not a damn requirement for his curriculum he really wouldn’t be taking it. He prefers computing for energies and fluxes than talking about an in-depth reading of The Scarlet Letter.

In the corner of the room, by Alfred’s bed, he hears Gilbert burp.

“Are you drinking beer?” He groans, his face still stuck to the surface of his desk.

“Jones, when did I _not_ drink beer?”

Alfred slams his head on his desk again, groaning louder than the last.

He hears Gilbert take a last swig on his can before tossing it to the garbage bin then asks Alfred as he bounces on Alfred’s bed, “What time is it?”

A glance on his wrist watch. “A quarter past seven.”

“Okay, time for me to go.” At this Alfred finally turns to look at Gilbert properly and notices that the other was well-dressed---as in well-dressed for a night at a bar---and he warily asks, “You’re not going for a drink again are you?”

He gets a scoff from Gilbert. “ _Again?_ I spent nights last week _sober_ and studying so I won’t fuck up in my finals too much. Now that pre-final results are here and says I’m not in the brink of getting a dismissal, I think it’s a good time for me to celebrate, yeah?”

“What the--- _celebrate_? By calling your drinking buddy over to get smashed in a bar?” Alfred’s head started hurting. Why can’t he get an ordinary roommate who fusses over grades like he does? Gilbert’s logic is doing bad things to his brain.

A part of his mind was wondering what kind of professor would agree to go outside for a drink with a _student_ on a _school night_. Must be someone with Gilbert’s personality, so definitely not a science guy. Maybe Gilbert was just pulling his leg anyway because he’s sure as heck he has yet to hear about a professor who gets smashed like Gilbert on a weekly basis.

“You drink even when there’s no occasion!” Gilbert carelessly shrugs.

“And you study when there’s no exam, and I don’t hound your ass for it don’t I?”

Gilbert’s phone rings.

“Oops, that’s him and he’s pissed. Gotta go!”

“Gilbert!”

The door shuts with a loud slam.

Alfred groans.

A glance at his blank word document makes him groan again, louder.

 

            The semester ends and Alfred gets enough score to pass his English class. It kind of pulled his GWA down, but at least he didn’t lose his scholarship so Alfred supposes it was fine.

That doesn’t change that fact that he’ll probably carry this grudge on that professor for as long as he lives though.

 

“Dude, if you’re taking literature reading avoid Kirkland at all costs. That guy was the devil incarnate, I’m telling ya. He gave me a 3.00** man.”

“Kirkland was also my professor from my research writing class. He was fair in giving out grades.” Kiku tells Alfred, confusion written all over his face. He pulls out his registration form, showing his schedule to Alfred, pointing at his literature reading class class in particular.

“I picked his class for lit reading.”

Alfred chokes on his coke, some of it dribbling down his chin and Kiku’s face contorts in disgust. He wipes it on the sleeve of his shirt.

“Dude, no,”

“Um, yes? I like Kirkland.” The look on Kiku’s face was bordering confused and unsure. Unsure of what, Alfred cannot exactly tell, but he hopes it was “unsure whether or not liking Kirkland was a good idea” because if it is, Alfred thinks he can help his friend with that. It’s not too late to switch classes yet, right?

It appears that Alfred’s face reflects the look of total disbelief, as Kiku sighs and his lips twitch into a ghost of a smile as tucks his registration form back in his bag, “I guess it was just a matter of perspective, yes?”

Then Alfred remembers how his classmates all got decent grades and did not seem to get so worked up on it as he was. Alfred refused to believe it was because literature was his weakest subject though. It’s just that Kirkland was a shitty professor who always looks like he’ll chew you into bits if you so much as asked about topics you don’t understand and he gives unfair assignments. Like who the hell has the time to read a novel in a semester, right?

“Huh,” he remarks.

Kiku smiles then looks at his watch. “I guess it’s time for me to go,” Kiku leaves with a slight wave that Alfred returns.

Alfred refuses to be wrong. It wasn’t his fault he got a low grade on that class. It was always the professor’s fault.

Then again, he remembers that he spent most of the nights where he was supposed to be reading Kirkland’s readings going through THEUKINVASION’s things, so…

Nah.

Kirkland was a shitty professor and by the end of the semester, he’s sure Kiku will be sharing his opinion. When did Alfred ever go wrong, anyway?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GWA stands for General Weighted Average. I think you guys call it GPA??? But in my uni we call it gwa so I'll call it that  
> 3.00 is the lowest passing grade one could get with 1.00 being the highest, 5.00 for failing (in my uni, anyway). It differs on every uni tho because some has 5.00 for the highest passing grade with 1.00 for failing. Dunno how that works.
> 
> Did you guys expect that little plot twist (gasp) because I didn't lol


End file.
